We all want our marriages to last forever but the sad reality is that around 2 in 3 now end in divorce, and many in the first couple of years. So what are we doing wrong?
Back in our grandparents’ day people were married for life, so how did they make it work? Were they just reluctant to get divorced or did they actually know the secrets to a long and happy marriage?
With help from Relate couples counsellor and sex therapist, Mo Kurimbokus, we’ve identified secrets to a long and happy marriage. If you’ve been going through a rough patch lately, or just want to get back that newlywed spark, then look no further – we’ve got all the answers.
- Communication
It sounds so simple but talking to each other and opening up is one of the most important things you can do to maintain a healthy relationship. When you have a problem at home or at work who do you talk to – and who does he? Your friends, your mum?
Remember how well you know each other. When something’s on your mind he’ll be able to tell and if you’re not talking about it then he might just think you’re being grumpy. He’s much more likely to respond well if you share the problem, and the same goes for him as well.
Expert tip
Relate’s Mo Kurimbokus says: ‘Listening, understanding and empathy are all part of communication – not just talking. Speak openly and honestly with each other about your thoughts and feelings. Remember that men in general are not particularly good at expressing their emotions. Help him to develop the language to express his feelings.’
- Don’t give up
It’s so much easier to walk away from something than to try to make it work. Every relationship goes through rough patches but a lot of the time things can be worked on and you’ll come out the other side a stronger couple. Some things can seem so big you can never get over them but isn’t it worth a try?
Expert tip
Relate’s Mo Kurimbokus says: ‘Happily ever after does not happen effortlessly. Relationships need working on; you need to learn to compromise, to know when to agree to disagree. You need to know when to take a stand and when to back down gracefully.
The more you work at it, the stronger the relationship will be and the happier the ever after too. When we get it right, we learn and when we get it wrong, we also learn. Either way we learn and we can move forward, so explore and learn together.’
- Learn to solve problems
When things go wrong, do you row about it? It’s often very hard not to and while arguing is a normal, healthy part of most relationships, it’s important to make sure that it is constructive and you’re not just yelling for the sake of it.
Resolving arguments and solving the problem without letting it escalate is quite a skill and one you do really need to master for the sake of your relationship.
Expert tip
Relate’s Mo Kurimbokus says: ‘Don’t start throwing abuse around, stick to the issue in hand and don’t argue over trivia. Give each other time and space to put their argument forward. Don’t interrupt. Listen when you partner speaks, Accept your mistakes and say sorry. Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Work towards a compromise and accept and celebrate difference.’
- Keep the passion alive
Often one of the biggest differences between a new couple and one that’s been together for years is the lack of passion or exciting sex in their relationship. There’s no reason that this should be the case.
You might have been there and done that loads of times but you are still two people who did and still do find each other sexually attractive. You might just need to remind each other of that sometimes by making a bit of extra effort.
Whether that’s buying some new lingerie or him agreeing to a night off from watching football to make time for dinner out or a cosy night in, small touches here and there will make a big difference.
Expert tip
Relate’s Mo Kurimbokus says: ‘Make quality time for each other. Touch regularly; remember that human touch has the power to soothe, support and encourage – whether it’s a peck on the cheek, a hug or making love.
Tell each other what it is that you want and what works for you. Give yourselves permission to experiment and explore new things whether it be a new sex toy or a new position and spend time to be sensual with each other.
Disclaimer
All content on this website is provided for general information only, and should not be treated as a substitute for the medical advice of your own doctor or any other health care professional. Always consult your own GP if you’re in any way concerned about your health.
Article taken in part from www.goodtoknow.co.uk